JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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