Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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