Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
