My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
