yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.