come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?