oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.