Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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