I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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