STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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