On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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