I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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