Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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