new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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