i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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