We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My feet surprised me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
