I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
