is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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