dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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