It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
