More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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