Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They are going to name an STD after you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
