Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
