I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
