Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
