Apparently you make a good broom.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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