Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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