ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.