I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.