Just fell off a train. Bad.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...