Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.