Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The air was thick with penises
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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