Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
