I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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Do you remember whose house we're in?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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