well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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