I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Welp...herpes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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