So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm passing your future prison.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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