i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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