So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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