If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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