My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
