Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize