I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
