Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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