By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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