Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
