I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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