I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's just like the Real World with babies
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
