what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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