3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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