it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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