You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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