Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
