I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.