so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...