I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.