i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........