did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*