Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize